Dating A Med Student

When Jacob started medical school, I was scared. I couldn’t find much online about dating a med student as an undergrad. I started wondering if it would be worth it. Would our relationship survive our crazy schedules? Would we be able to handle dating long-distance? How would I keep our relationship healthy? I’ll start from the beginning for those of you who may be in the same boat.

Interviews – At this point, you’re getting a taste of what the next few years of your life will look like: the atmosphere, the student body, the surroundings, the curriculum, and where the local hotspots are. It’s an exciting and nerve-wracking time. But from a girlfriend’s perspective, every interview invitation Jacob received meant another city he could end up in, and it made me more nervous.

Will he be staying in state?
How often would we be able to see each other if he moves?
Will our relationship survive the distance?
How can we make time for each other when we have conflicting schedules?

There were so many questions that crossed my mind, and I had no idea what to expect.

(Texas) Match – As soon as Jacob got his acceptance letter, we were able to start making concrete plans about how we were planning to make the relationship work. Our plans changed throughout the semester, only slightly, but this gave us the consolation that we weren’t a lost cause.

And honestly, we were able to get closer than ever over the past year, and I want to share some of the things that really worked for us.

Scheduled Rendezvous – I think this has to be one of my favorite parts of being long (or short) distance. Seeing your significant other for the first time after being apart is such an amazing feeling. It’s one of the biggest motivators to keep working hard, because it means that at the end of the week or month, or whatever time span you’ve decided upon, you’ll be able to get away from everything and spend time with your favorite person. Additionally, the distance can help you strengthen your relationship. It forces you to really value the time you spend with your significant other, and makes the time you do get to spend together more memorable and fulfilling.

Pick a day, weekend, or other short time-span to hang out with your babe and focus only on each other. Go on a date, relax, do something fun. Make sure you plan enough ahead of time that it won’t interfere with either of your work/study schedules.

Communication –  Yes, you’re probably rolling your eyes, but communication is important. Be clear about your thoughts and feelings, and expectations. Small talk and pleasantries are great to keep up with day-to-day details and thoughts, but make sure to express any concerns you may have. Set your expectations as early as possible to avoid misunderstandings. For instance, you want to spend a maximum of 3 hours a week on the phone with your SO and he/she is expecting to chat with you for 2-3 hours a day, there will be a serious disconnect if you don’t address this from at beginning.

Similarly, how often will you see each other? Will you be meeting at your place half of the time and your SO’s the rest? What is a fair amount to pay for transportation, lodging, etc? Does your SO agree? These are all things you want to have decided from the get-go to avoid any surprises.

Compromise – This is another big one. Once you have shared your expectations for the relationship, you might find yourself needing to compromise. And of course, the things you have to compromise on will likely be dependent on your schedules.

Conflict: I work every Friday and Sunday and I’m not super comfortable driving, since I recently got my license.

Compromise: Jacob drives into town Friday nights after his classes/exams/etc. unless he has a Monday or Tuesday exam. We hang out on Saturdays and he leaves Sunday mornings when I leave for work. In exchange for his driving to hang out, I either wait or work extra hard during the week to finish my assignments early so that I don’t have to worry about it when we’re together.

And it worked great. We both made a sacrifice we were comfortable with, and ended up seeing each other more often than we initially anticipated. The key is sacrificing something you are comfortable with. Neither of you should be doing anything you feel unsafe, scared, or otherwise uneasy about.

Calendars Calendars Calendars – You probably won’t (or shouldn’t) feel comfortable doing this in a new relationship, but I find that sharing your Google calendar with your partner can save time and sanity in a relationship. By Google calendar, I mean your class/work schedule. By all means, keep your personal calendars separate.

By sharing your academic and work schedules, you can both schedule plans and phone calls without disrupting each other in class or at work. It’s always great not having to call your SO for the 15th time about whether or not he or she is free at X hour on Y day, when he/she clearly has a class then. It also never fails to amuse me when I get a call from Jacob asking how that French class I got out of three minutes ago went!

Never Stop Trying to Impress – Even when you’re exhausted, stressed, or disappointed, don’t let it affect your relationship. If you’ve been in a relationship for a while, you may not see the need to keep doing little things to impress your SO. You’ve already won his/her heart, so there’s no point in chasing after them anymore, right? No. No no no no! That’s the fastest way to make your partner lose interest in the relationship.

Well-planned surprises keep things interesting and don’t have to be extravagant or expensive. Offer to have a PJ movie night with your significant other if he or she enjoys watching movies. Dress up for brunch and make it a date. Keep negativity out of your relationship and keep it exciting. This makes your relationship something you want to work for.

Try New Things – This is especially easy if you’re visiting your significant other in a new city. Go to a new restaurant one of you has been wanting to try, find an eclectic museum you might not normally step foot in, see a movie in a genre you don’t typically watch, and walk around the neighborhood park. There are so many options, and you may even find something that you and your babe love and may never have considered before. Sometimes it may be a complete bust, but you will definitely have good memories from the experience and may learn a little bit about yourselves.

Let Go – Most importantly, learn to let things go. Remember that pile of dishes your SO left in the sink the last time you were over? Forget it. And that argument about you not putting enough time into the relationship? It’s over, keep it that way. If it’s not something you’re willing to lose the relationship over, it’s not worth staying upset about. If something becomes a recurring problem, then have a conversation about it. Do not let one-time incidents, especially ones caused by stress or a serious lack of time, tear your relationship apart.

Hopefully, these tips and experiences can be of some use to you, and I wish you the best of luck and much happiness in your current or future relationships and studies!

Photos by Rooted Trumpet Photography (2019).